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February 29, 2012

Grading The 2012 NBA All-Star Weekend

by Marcus

By: Marcus Ferro

Celebrity Game
Who gives a shit?
Grade: C-

Rising Stars Challenge

I like that they adopted drafting for the rookie-sophomore game. This season it was Team Shaq and Team Chuck, but I am hoping they change drafters every season.  Although Jared and I did a mock All-Star draft last year, I would not like to see drafting  for the All-Star game, but it’s a good way to bring balance to rookie-sophomore game that was generally dominated by the sophomores.  The inaugural game sucked, but the competition has potential. By the way, did anyone expect Kyrie Irving to be this good? He is tremendous, I can’t wait to see what he does after he leaves Cleveland.
Grade: C

Shooting Stars
I enjoy this event, it is pretty entertaining. Team New York looks like it wil be  a dynasty. How about Allan Houston huh? The man can still ball so hard. New York needs to sign him now! Well he’s Assistant GM, so he needs to sign himself.
Grade: B-

Skills Challenge
The Skills Challenge is such a shitty competition. What were those creative geniuses at the NBA offices thinking? “Oh, I have an idea! Let’s get a bunch of point guards to dribble up and down the court and throw basketballs through hula-hoops; and to make them look like inconsiderate dicks, we’ll have them play for a kid’s college scholarship but still treat the competition with total apathy.” Yeah that sounds about right.
Grade: D-

3 Point Shootout
This was a very entertaining shootout, because it pitted the two best players in the competition in the final round, Kevin Love and Kevin Durant. Love has established himself as one of the game’s elite and the best power forward in basketball,  it’s nice to see him get some recognition especially since he was snubbed from starting spot in the ASG. Anthony Marrow’s tribute to the late Hall of Famer, Drazen Petrovic was brilliant; what a class act.
Grade: B+

Slam Dunk Contest
The 2012 Dunk contest was the worst fucking thing I have ever seen.  I am not sure which part of the competition had the most jokes, the participants, the dunks, or Charles Barkley commentary (The best part about watching that atrocity of a competition was hearing Barkley make fun of it). What was so impressive about jumping over Kevin Hart or an inebriated P.Diddy?  To cap off this shit-show of a competition, Jeremy Evans ended up winning. Who is Jeremy Evans, you ask? That’s a good question, I didn’t know until the competition started. But after doing some research I found out he is a player that averages 5.6 minutes and 1.7ppg. That means, if Evans’ is having an average game, he doesn’t even get one dunk in, seeing as dunks are worth two points.  It was so funny when Cheryl Miller scoffed at Evans when she opened the envelope to find that he was the winner. I am not sure if Evans’ nickname “the human pogo stick” was a moniker he had earned before the competition or if Milller was just being derisive. Worst dunk contest ever.  Hey, Lebron , stop being such a fucking wimp and enter the dunk contest and while you’re at it get some of your superstar buddies to do it too. Otherwise Stern needs to use his absolute power to end the competition. In retrospect, they probably just should have ended it in 2000 after Vince Carter dominated it.
Grade: F!

The All-Star Game
The main attraction of the All-Star Weekend rarely disappoints and this season was no different. Stars shined bright as LeBron had another magnificent showing, Dwayne Wade became the third player to record a triple-double in the ASG  (LeBron did it last year, Jordan did it in ’97) Kevin Durant won his first ASG MVP and Kobe Bryant passed Jordan to become the ASG’s all-time leading scorer.  This game was an instant classic.
Grade: A

Overall Evaluation

Although the NBA has the best ASG of them all, an entertaining dunk contest is paramount to a having a great All-Star weekend. I  think I can speak on behalf of all basketball fans and writers alike when in saying I am sick of talking about putting LBJ in the dunk contest. Here’s the ideal dunk contest lineup: Dwight Howard, Blake Griffin, Derrick Rose and LeBron James. Make it happen, or don’t have it. A dunk contest with at least a reputable lineup can turn a good All-Star Weekend into a great one.
Grade: C

Oh I forgot a couple of grades..
Nicki Minaj’s Opening Performance: F
Pitbull’s Halftime Performance: F

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