Guard: Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Center: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
2011 Stats: 23.2ppg, 14.3rpg, 2.4bpg
Howard would almost earn this spot by default seeing as there are no other good centers in this league. However, he has been outstanding, he is the only player that is top 5 in rebounds and blocks per game an he is a lock for a record third consecutive Defensive Player of the Year trophy.
Well it looks like Ochocinco’s soccer career is finally over! But with the lock out still going on he has time to try out for other sports like maybe lacrosse or bowling.
It has been reported that one person laid down $10 on VCU at the Las Vegas Hilton during the regular season to win it all. They got 5000-1 odds. Makes those two people who picked the final four right on espn.com look less impressive.
So this is it the final four. How exciting right? WRONG!!!This Final Four is about as exciting as attending a BYU party. On one side we have Butler vs. VCU in the none of us will be playing basketball in five years game. On the other side we have Coach C and the C stands for cheat and his group of twelve year olds, I want to just start calling them the Biebers against Jim Calhoun who text recruits at the same rate Vanessa Hudgens sexts!
Hats off to Kentucky, they successfully won the Chucky Cheese Bowl and showed that their 13 year olds were better than Carolinas. I would have to say that Brandon I’m as dark as Knight has really had a coming out tournament. I am going to start calling him the Christian Bale of this team. Why you may ask? Here’s why, The Fighter was 100% Mark Wahlberg’s movie yet it was Christian Bale who stole the movie. Without Bale the movie is down right terrible and that is a fact. Yet everyone still gives credit to Wahlberg. Well on Kentucky I feel like people are still giving the credit to Terrence Jones. Over the past two months it would have been easier to find Sean Taylor alive than it would have been to find Terrence Jones playing basketball. He has become Kentucky’s sixth option during this tournament, but have no fear he will still be a top ten pick.
From one freshmen to another, Harrison Barnes. Don’t think I forgot about you now. You started the game 3-11 and at one point I thought I was watching the sequel to Celtic Pride 2. I was really questioning if a Duke fan had kidnap Barnes pre game and replaced him with Joe Forte or something. The first 30 minuets of the game Barnes was colder than Ted Williams, and he is fucking frozen in a box somewhere. Then out of nowhere he scores 8 points in under a minute to bring the Heels back and gets me all excited. He proceeded to follow that up by going into Lidge mode. Lidge mode is named after Brad Lidge and it is when a athlete spontaneously combusts under pressure. Barnes went into Lidge mode and tried too hard at the end of the game throwing up bricks. In his final UNC game he went 7-19 and 2-9 from three, ladies and gentlemen a 2010 NBA Draft Top 5 pick.
Goddamit, when will VCU just stop winning? My bracket is now utterly finished. I could have went to the special olympics had the dumbest kid there fill out my bracket and would have done better. The Morris Thugs played well, Josh Selby did not. Josh Selby will now be called Josh Kia from here on out cause that is what he is, a bottom of the barrel type of player just like that piece of shit car. He plays 15 minuets goes 1-5 from the floor 0-3 from three and scores 2 points. Where is Chris Benoit when you need him? He would have put him in the crossface crippler after the first shot and then probably would have killed him in his sleep after the fifth shot. Now I am not wishing any harm upon Selby but I am just saying ladies and gentlemen your 2010 NBA Draft first round pick. O yea I almost forgot, Bill Self and his unbelievable coaching skills. Saying Bill Self is a good coach is like saying Chris Brown is a good boyfriend. Last year he lost in the second round to the Dukes of Hazard aka Northern Iowa and this year he loses to VCU. VCU’s coach first off looks like he just got done coaching a CYO championship game. Second off half their players look like the ideal candidates for a managerial position at Target.
|Whats up Brad Stevens?|
How lucky is Butler? You get out coached by Florida only to have Erving Walker secretly throw the game for the Gators by going 1-10. At what point does Brad Stevens realize he could coach at any school in America if he wanted? This guy is coaching at fucking Butler and don’t give me that crap about staying home and he’s from Indiana. Indiana sucks there is nothing to do there besides grow corn and watch Purdue lose to Notre Dame in football every year. I feel like Brad Stevens is the real life Jake Wyler. In Not Another Teen Movie Jake Wyler (Stevens) tries to turn the ugliest girl in the school into something. Well in this instance Butler is Janey Briggs and Stevens is for what ever reason staying with her/them. I just hope it doesn’t end like the movie, a trip to paris or for them a trip to the Black House to visit obomba.
Did I mention Uconn and Kentucky are playing for the National Championship? Well they are even if it is only the Final Four. The winner of this game is the champ, book it unless the team flight goes down Marshall style the winner of this game will be your National Champion. As of right now the BDL odds for which Wildcats will be ruled ineligible three years from now for receiving improper benefits are as follows: Terrence Jones- Even, Brandon Knight- +300, Doron Lamb- +900. Everything about Jones says that he is taking an extra grand a week and riding around in a new BMW. Is it also weird that Kentucky’s season rests on a guy that played 28 minuets last season and looks like the poster child for incest, Josh Harrlleson. If he plays well Kentucky wins. Uconn on the other side has Kemba and well four other guys who wear white jerseys and black nikes. Ill give credit to Jeremy Lamb, he has had a good tournament run but it is the Kemba show. Talent triumphs experience remember than and Kentucky is the more talented team. But with the way this tournament has went Kentucky will probably win only to be ruled ineligible as program because of Calipari, leading VCU and Butler to play for the championship. God that could happen.
So the Final Four is set. We have two mid-major programs nobody gives a shit about, VCU and Butler and two marquis basketball schools that were having pretty mediocre seasons, Kentucky and UConn (although Kemba Walker is fun to watch). Are you excited!? Neither am I. Minus the fact that the double-digit seeds wiped their asses with my bracket, I am guaranteed to watch another boring mid-major team with no professional all-star prospects compete for the National Championship. That’s not what I or anyone else really wants to see in the tournament. I want see at least 3 major programs and maybe one Cinderella who beats a team I don’t like then gets their ass kicked.
Fuck the underdog. If you root for the little guy you were probably one of those douche bags who wasn’t good at anything growing up and is living vicariously though Matt Howard’s goofy ass and the Butler Bulldogs. I don’t want to see Butler-VCU, I wanted to see Duke-Ohio State, Kansas-Florida, UNC (cringe)- Syracuse, ect. I am a Duke fan, but I will admit Butler was kind of cool a year ago, and they would have been cooler if they won but all they did was ruin everyones bracket. But I always root for the powerhouse programs. If you like the underdog here are some other championship match ups you might enjoy.
NBA Finals- Memphis Grizzlies vs. Charlotte Bobcats
Two almost NBA all-stars, Rudy Gay and Stephen Jackson, square off in 7 games of first to 21, win by two.
Stanley Cup- Ottawa Senators vs. Columbus Blue Jackets
I don’t know a lot about hockey, but I’m pretty sure like VCU and Butler these are teams with little to no historical significance that are from cities not many people care to visit and nobody gives a shit about them. Asti, correct me if I am mistaken.
Superbowl- Cleveland Browns vs. Carolina Panthers
Manning vs. Brees? Brady vs. Warner? Big Ben vs. Rodgers? Boring! I want to see Colt McCoy vs. Jimmy Clausen.
World Series- Kansas City Royals vs. Washington Nationals (Natinals)
One of the worst franchises of the last decade faces the team that is so insignificant their own seamstress doesn’t give a shit enough about them to spell their name correctly.
GO RAMS! GO BULLDOGS!